Your book’s title suggests that navigating life isn’t as simple as choosing between black and white. Could you elaborate on what inspired the concept of “grey area thinking” and why it’s so vital today?
Nothing inspired it. I either had to become one or go insane. You’ll have to read my book to find out why. Anyways, I define grey areas as a space where hard, established rules don’t work very well. Grey area thinking is how to navigate that space and do the right thing. Sometimes, the right thing is black-and-white. But other times, it’s somewhere in between. Trouble starts when people try to paint everything as black-and-white. The rampant political and religious extremism you see today in the world is a problem started by that kind of thinking.
The blurb mentions the book as an “encyclopedia of manipulation and abuse tactics.” What was the process like for distilling such complex, often nuanced, topics into a guide that remains accessible and humorous?
I drew heavily on three disciplines: martial arts, academics, and UX design training. I researched as many abuse and manipulation tactics as I could. As well as their solutions. The vast majority of those solutions I applied throughout life. Whether in debate or in social conflicts. I filled several journals with notes. But notes are useless in a fight. You don’t just throw a soldier or a boxer a random list of techniques and say , “good luck.” You have to simplify. Give them a system they can remember and recall. Especially when they encounter a problem you never covered. What are you going to do when someone triangulates you? “Hold up, let me flip through Jimmy’s book because I can’t remember. Shit! He didn’t mention that!” So now the question was: how do I create a combat/critical thinking system that is easy to remember, covers maximum ground, and fun to learn? That’s when my design training kicked. The universal principles of art: balance, contrast, scale, etc. have withstood the test of time for thousands of years. Art is flexible and precise and people love it! So the principles of art fit in with grey area thinking perfectly.
You’ve described the book as “NOT flimsy first-world self-help.” Can you explain what sets Art of Grey Area Thinking apart from conventional self-help books?
Art of Grey Area Thinking is not afraid to discuss the worst problems in current events. Things people shy away from: war, genocide, terrorism, criticizing my own political party, etc. The book is certainly not all heavy. There are many light-hearted moments. And I really ramped up the humor. However, high-stake topics are a powerful form of quality assurance. And it helps build a lot of confidence in my ideas because if they work in a warzone, they’ll work at the office.
What role does humor play in helping readers confront such dark and serious subjects like manipulation, abuse, and extremism? How do you balance humor with gravity?
Would you rather watch a bleak documentary about North Korea or would you rather watch Seth Rogan’s comedy “The Interview,” where the eccentric James Franco tries to assassinate Kim Jong Il?
Your book talks about dismantling extreme ideologies. What’s one surprising lesson or story from your time in war-torn countries that readers might find particularly eye-opening?
Most ISIS recruits were not poor, uneducated farmers. Many were college graduates who couldn’t find jobs. Their families were shocked. Their children were not monsters, at least, not until the quarter-life crisis hit.
As someone who has worked in warzones and survived a mass shooting, how have these intense personal experiences shaped the advice and strategies you share in your book?
I know the price of bad advice. And I will always make sure to give my readers my best because of how high the stakes are. I’m not perfect. Sometimes, I read my book and I say, “No, that’s not good enough. I need to change it for the next edition.”
Did any particular encounter or individual during your humanitarian work inspire specific strategies or lessons in the book?
The human trafficker who looked me in the eyes on my first day and asked me to help him find Ukrainian women and children that needed a “ride to Italy.” He didn’t look like a criminal at all. He was so friendly and warm, like your favorite manager at work. Hollywood always makes them either thugs or Romeos. He taught me the importance of listening. Of gathering as much information as possible before speaking or acting. To build a strong social network who can alert you to threats. To avoid putting myself in situations where I don’t have the time or space to change my mind. And to NEVER fall for charisma.
What challenges did you face in revisiting painful or intense memories while writing this book? How did you ensure those experiences served as constructive lessons for readers?
All of them. It hurt. Sometimes, the anger leaked out in my writing. And after time has passed, I reread it and say, “damn, I want to do that differently.” My promise to my readers is that I’ll always admit my shortcomings and strive to do better.
Your book offers practical exercises for readers. Could you share an example of one exercise that’s particularly effective for developing grey area thinking?
Practice saying the magic words, “Is there another?” “Is there another way I can look at this situation?” “Is there another thing I’ve missed?” “Is there another factor I haven’t considered?” etc.
If there’s one core takeaway you’d want young people to grasp from your book to combat extremism, manipulation, or abuse, what would it be?
The people who are the easiest to manipulate are those who believe they cannot be manipulated. Because if you are too proud to admit you got played, people only need to play you once. After that, they can just keep you trapped with your own ego. No one is immune. Not even me. Eventually, someone will figure me out. But with grey area thinking, we can recover much faster and avoid more damage. No one wants to fight someone who gets back up fast.